Potential
by RukiaRae
Summary: Jinx reflects on why it didn't work with Kid Flash. Meant to accompany Tumbling Down, but can be a stand-alone. —Drabble-ish One-shot TumblingDown!verse


**Short little drabble from Jinx's perspective on why it didn't work with Kid Flash. Meant to be an accompanying piece to the Roses chapter in Tumbling Down. **

**Music: Panic cord by Gabrielle Aplin and Country Song by Seether.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Teen Titans or the music that served as inspiration.**

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_I was full of doubt and you believe_  
_The more than you keep coming over_  
_The more I know it's over, dear_  
_We're just a box of souvenirs_

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She frowned, looking down at the photo of them_—_her pale cheeks pinker than usual as she smiled up at him. It looked to be from their trip to Italy, right after the takedown of the Brotherhood of Evil. The abnormally large group disbanded to celebrate how they wanted and he'd taken her to Venice for___—what_ _else?_—food.

It must've fallen out of the box of souvenirs she'd had kept during their relationship. The one that she'd thrown away so long ago.

Looking into their smiling faces pulled _something _in her. Perhaps it was seeing a moment they were actually getting along well. Or maybe it was guilt that clawed at her_—yeah, she knew the break-up was much harder for him. _Even though it had been less than a year.

Ugh, she hated thinking about him. Couldn't stand to look at him.

It always left her analysing their relationship—_herself—_and _why _it ended. Even six months later, she wasn't sure she could understand all of the _complications_.

She used her powers to rip the photo apart, sending it into the trash bin across her—_refurnished_—pink room.

(But it was too late. The usual questions—and fears—began to pummel her once more.)

_Had she overreacted?_

Probably. Back then (and if she was being honest with herself, still) she wasn't used to someone caring so much about her. It was the first time anyone had tried to reach out to her, asking her what _she _wanted and willing to go to extremes to make it happen. But, perhaps the most important thing to her at the time, was having someone listen to her_—having her words matter to someone. _

He hadn't laughed or ridiculed her, like her team would've, but _listened. _

And mattering so much to someone _did _scare her_—_despite working in a team, she was used to only worrying about herself. That was how the H.I.V.E. five functioned. They worked together as much as possible, however, when it came down to it, it was everyone for themselves.

So, okay, maybe part of it had been motivated by panic. A knee-jerk reaction to go back to a time when no one _needed _her, when no one relied on her.

_But that was still insufficient. _

_Because it's not like he always listened. The relationship _did_ change after the first few months_.

He became increasingly annoying—_restless, like the her teammates that he'd criticised_—and didn't listen. She would try and tell him about her life as a criminal_—how thrilling it was._ She could do what she wanted, she had no cares or worries. And he would let her blabber on about all of this, only to respond with something Robin would say. Something about how she _shouldn't _think that or how being good was better for her. He didn't truly listen_—_such tales only horrified him. He could never _understand. _

The more she talked about her past_—trying to sort through the conflicting feelings swarming inside her, the ones that she couldn't quite explain but hoped he'd understand__—_the more he tried to show her how it was fun being good. And she had wanted to tear her hair out because he wasn't _getting it. _All he was doing was _pushing _her_—a feeling she despised. _

After awhile, she stopped yelling at him for it. Maybe that was her fault_—_he was happy and assumed she finally was too. In reality, she was _tired__—of arguing, of trying to explain. _ The more they talked_—really talked—_the more she realised that they didn't connect anymore. Not like they had once.

And, she realised sickeningly, that she was so tired of it all and maybe she just _didn't care_.

_(This _was the reason that scared her the most.)

(Did this make her a bad person?)

She began to _miss _her old—_dimwitted—_team. She missed the mayhem they'd all caused—the ability to just mess with what she wanted on a whim.

And, even though his words_—those pretty words that had made her change in the first place__—_were comforting, they couldn't chase away the desire to go back. Her bad-luck powers _called _out to her, begging her to do something mischievous. And she got tired of trying to explain it. Of fighting it.

_And, as much as she hated to admit it, she was _bored. Because causing trouble made her come _alive. _And she quickly found out that nothing could replace that_—not all of his words. _

So maybe she wasn't completely unlike him_—maybe she got too bored too easily.__  
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But that wasn't it.

She wasn't necessarily bored, but rather, she missed the freedom of it all. The lack of responsiblity and the need to be part of something greater. She didn't want to put up with that. It chaffed at her, restraining her. Limiting her to what _they _deemed acceptable.

And while she and the H.I.V.E. _were _villains that faced off regularly against the Titans, they weren't nearly the worst. Because, really, they were only trying to steal a few trinkets and cause a bit of trouble.

So, yeah, the lack of freedom was definitely part of the failure.

But it still went deeper than that.

Despite her lapses into crime, he, infuriatingly, always claimed to _believe _in her. As though he discounted everything she said about the need___—__the craving__—_to go back. To be alive—_free._

And typical Kid Flash, he didn't listen. Didn't want to hear about how flawed she was. No, he always _tried____—_to _do something, _to help—no matter what she told him. Even when the other superheroes saw her for what she was_—unreliable__—_he still stuck around, murmuring sweet nothings to her. And each time he was _nice, _she felt like doing something worse. Something he wouldn't be able to stick around for.

Because his faith meant that she still faced responsibility for someone. And it weighed her down, made her want to resist more.

_Maybe she was just self-destructive._

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(This was the part she hated. Where she realised that part of it was _her insecurities._)

(She hated the thought that she harboured any.)

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_(Because deep down, she felt she didn't deserve it. She didn't deserve his effort, his patience.)_

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It didn't help that she eventually recognised his actions for what they were.

(He was trying to _save _her.)

He was a fixer. He was trying to rehabilitate her to the good side.

When she thought about this, she decided that she _didn't _want him to try_—she didn't want to be saved. _

_She liked being bad._

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_If she were being honest with herself, though, that wasn't entirely it._

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_She was a coward.

What scared her the most was what would happen if she were fixed. Would he still stick around?

Or move on to another charity case that demanded his time?

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Would he still _care_ about her?

(Probably not.)

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Quite frankly, why should she even try if it was doomed from the start?

She may have been broken, but that didn't mean that she wasn't going to stop cutting_________—him, his hero friends, and the rest of the world. _ She would do what she'd always done_________—cause mayhem._

(Because she was too much of a coward to let herself be fixed. To let herself be good.)

And he didn't_—__want to__—_realise that this was who she was. Someone who took the easy way out. Who liked to hide behind her bad-luck powers as an excuse for her actions.

She knew he wasn't going to stay with a villain_—someone he couldn't help__—_and her antics pushed him away. Eventually, she succeeded in proving to him that she wasn't ready to change into a hero.

But he still believed in her _potential. _

(She frowned, she hated that word. _Potential. _It just mocked her, laughing at all the things she _could _be but wasn't.)

He even told her on the day of their break-up that all the _potential _was still there—_but that's the problem with potential, isn't it? It'll always be there, lurking just out of reach_.

He told her that she could still turn it all around. That she could _change. That it wasn't too late for her. _

(But it _was _too late for _them_. He just didn't see it.)

Unfortunately, it _was _clear that he_—still__—_cared. He _still_ hadn't given up___—that he was probably still waiting on her to turn it all around_. _For her to come running, ready and eager to try and live up to her **potential. **_

He still kept everything from their relationship, she knew. Yes, even though she was a villain, she still heard the rumours. And, she remembered, on the day of the break-up, his resigned form hunched over as he collected his things, keeping everything. He had taken all the things she'd given him and packed them with care into his own box of souvenirs.

_And she had thrown hers away as soon as he left._

(Because she realised that he wanted the _idea _of what she could be. Not who she was.)

So, maybe the break-up _was _her fault.

And he was an unfortunate casualty along the way.

Still, if there was one good thing to emerge from this whole debacle was her certainty_—her resolve_. She was back where she belonged, cursing people with the bad-luck she was born with. She just wouldn't fit anywhere else.

She wouldn't fit in his life. She couldn't emulate he heroes he worked with—_didn't want to._

And she was sure that, even if she was sinking, she'd found her place.

And there was nowhere else she'd rather be.

(Except maybe, in the red and yellow arms of a certain speedster. But she'd given up on that long ago.)

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(Because it would never work. There was no saving her. Not anymore.)

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**Kind of drabble-ish, but I kind of wanted it to be like stream of consciousness—as though we're following her thoughts. Not sure how I like it. I've already tweaked it a few times. It kind of seems OOC for her a bit... (maybe?). Dunno, maybe that's because this is the first Jinx centred fic I've ever done. Meh.**

**Please let me know what you think in a review! They make my day!~**


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